Saturday, October 15, 2011

Guilt - Is it really necessary?

So life has gotten in the way the last two days. Really? No!

Life doesn't get in anyone's way. It can't.  We (me) use it as an excuse. I'm really good at that. An expert you might say. I've perfected my technique over the last forty-five years.  I bet I've spent more time practicing excuses than anything else in my life. Not that I've counted or kept track.

Well actually I have kept track the last three days. Primarily because I declared publicly that I would write in this blog every day for a year. Well I did not write yesterday or the day before.

Lots of reasons.

Packing for a trip to Salt Lake City,
attending bible study,
loading horse manure into the truck,
unloading and spreading said horse manure into my garden,
doing laundry,
cleaning the kitchen (doing dishes 4x),
going to the DMV for the third time (ack!),
returning a DVD to a friend,
going to the bank,
cleaning house,
taking my honey to school,
printing boarding passes,
feeding the dogs,
paying the bills,
returning calls,
going to the library and checking out books on Ronald Reagan (I will explain this one another day),
cleaning out the refrigerator

Doesn't it sound like I was busy? I got a lot of things done BUT I did not keep my promise to write. I had time. I watched three hours of Doc Marten streaming on my Mac. I definitely had time. My excuse was that I was running around getting all that done that by the time I got home I deserved a rest. And nothing helps me relax more than watching mindless television. Well that's not true, I could smoke pot (don't do that anymore), drink (don't really enjoy the after affects), eat (my ass does not need anymore padding), or I could write.

Here's a thought -- I could do something productive and honor my word at the same time. Yet, I chose watching a cranky doctor alienate those around him for three hours.  Interesting what I do to escape. The whole time while I was watching the show, I was acutely aware of all the other stuff I had to do. I rationalized that I would get it all done before we left the following day on the airplane. AND I did!

Not without some drama but hey sometimes that drives me to succeed. Just like a good dose of guilt drives me to succeed. So to answer my question, guilt is it really necessary? I say yes. In small doses and applied appropriately -- guilt works.

Now to just not develop it to an art form.


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