Wow, It's only been one day and I've already broken my promise to write in my blog once a day for a year! Congratulations Renee. Well this promises to go the way a lot of my other promises to myself have gone. Bye bye...
What is it with the level of commitment to a promise I've made to myself? Over the years I've noticed that this is (at least to my current understanding) my weakest area -- keeping promises to myself.
You know those promises like:
"I'm gonna walk every day between now and summer."
"Every time my husband comes home, I promise to stop what I am doing, go to him, welcome him home warmly, and kiss him."
"No more soda for a month, just to see if I can!"
I promise to cut out fast food for one month!"
"Every time I feed the dogs, I'm gonna pick up dog poop."
"You got a big jug so now put all your change into it for thirty days to see how much money you can save."
"I'm gonna eat brown rice instead of white from now on!"
"Every day I'm gonna do at least five things on my daily TO DO list."
"Do not ever say one negative word about _______ (fill in the blank) ever again."
"Don't argue with them when they are drunk, it's useless."
"I'm gonna stop eating after 6pm from now on!"
"I can talk on the phone and drive as long as I don't try to dial while I drive!"
"I'm gonna write in my blog once a day for a year to see what shows up and to train myself to write regularly!"
The list of promises occurs as endless right now. Why is it so easy to break promises I've made to myself? Is it because there is no accountability? Am I trying to impress myself with self discipline? Doesn't it matter that I've promised? Evidently not!
I feel weak and like a failure -- it's a pervasive feeling that is subtle. Subtle and damaging. This feeling lives just under the feeling of productiveness and success! This one is quieter and lurks in the shadows of my mind. But it's there! Always there. Waiting.
I'm taking a class right now called Me, Myself and Other Lies I've Told Myself. It's about all those negative thoughts we hold about ourselves. It talks about how our mind is like a closet and each day, like clothes, we choose (subconsciously through years of self training) what thoughts we will cloak ourselves in.
Well tonight I can see that I cloak myself in thoughts of uselessness and that I cannot count on myself to be reliable. Isn't that helpful and empowering?
What's there for me now, is that I got up at 2 am to pee. Saw my computer, was curious to see if I'd received an email about picking up some horse manure tomorrow and that thought led me to open my email (no new emails), read a few stories on MSN (top five dangerous airports in the US, girl gets excited about birthday and Disneyland) and then realized that it was after midnight and I had not written AS PROMISED in my blog!
So the good news is here it is early in the morning on the eve of a very busy day and I am writing in my blog. Better late than never they say. Hey, I'm in training.
What is it with the level of commitment to a promise I've made to myself? Over the years I've noticed that this is (at least to my current understanding) my weakest area -- keeping promises to myself.
You know those promises like:
"I'm gonna walk every day between now and summer."
"Every time my husband comes home, I promise to stop what I am doing, go to him, welcome him home warmly, and kiss him."
"No more soda for a month, just to see if I can!"
I promise to cut out fast food for one month!"
"Every time I feed the dogs, I'm gonna pick up dog poop."
"You got a big jug so now put all your change into it for thirty days to see how much money you can save."
"I'm gonna eat brown rice instead of white from now on!"
"Every day I'm gonna do at least five things on my daily TO DO list."
"Do not ever say one negative word about _______ (fill in the blank) ever again."
"Don't argue with them when they are drunk, it's useless."
"I'm gonna stop eating after 6pm from now on!"
"I can talk on the phone and drive as long as I don't try to dial while I drive!"
"I'm gonna write in my blog once a day for a year to see what shows up and to train myself to write regularly!"
The list of promises occurs as endless right now. Why is it so easy to break promises I've made to myself? Is it because there is no accountability? Am I trying to impress myself with self discipline? Doesn't it matter that I've promised? Evidently not!
I feel weak and like a failure -- it's a pervasive feeling that is subtle. Subtle and damaging. This feeling lives just under the feeling of productiveness and success! This one is quieter and lurks in the shadows of my mind. But it's there! Always there. Waiting.
I'm taking a class right now called Me, Myself and Other Lies I've Told Myself. It's about all those negative thoughts we hold about ourselves. It talks about how our mind is like a closet and each day, like clothes, we choose (subconsciously through years of self training) what thoughts we will cloak ourselves in.
Well tonight I can see that I cloak myself in thoughts of uselessness and that I cannot count on myself to be reliable. Isn't that helpful and empowering?
What's there for me now, is that I got up at 2 am to pee. Saw my computer, was curious to see if I'd received an email about picking up some horse manure tomorrow and that thought led me to open my email (no new emails), read a few stories on MSN (top five dangerous airports in the US, girl gets excited about birthday and Disneyland) and then realized that it was after midnight and I had not written AS PROMISED in my blog!
So the good news is here it is early in the morning on the eve of a very busy day and I am writing in my blog. Better late than never they say. Hey, I'm in training.
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