Keeping my head above water

Ever have one of those days? Where you want to either sleep or eat your way through it? Today was one of those days.

Did I sleep through it? No! I got up early, got dressed and made it to work on time. Actually a relatively productive day. Quiet but productive.

Did I eat my way through it? No! I wanted to. I must have gone to the refrigerator at least 20 times. I did eat everything I brought. Devoured every morsel with relish. Scoured the cabinets for food that I could snarf. Fortunately there wasn't much to choose from. Thank God for healthy eating co-workers. Thank God for self-control. Thank God for divine intervention.

Sometimes there is divine intervention! An empty cabinet or boring food can be considered divine intervention. At least in my interpretation. Anything that intervenes with me over eating that isn't a conscious choice on my part is divine intervention. We don't know how it all works, so if by some chance there isn't any food to choose from and that is what stops me from over-eating -- I'll take it.

Now I did stop myself. Many times. I am proud of stopping myself.

What I am not proud of is that I still have this ongoing desire to binge and hide behind my weight. It's been a shield since high school. A layer of protection from getting hurt. From getting rejected.

Well all those reasons don't have power anymore. I am married to a fabulous younger man who thinks the sun rises and sets on me. I've come to a point in my life where not much really scares me anymore. I've got some mileage on me. I've had enough experiences to know that I can handle just about anything. I know that my word is powerful.

So I've come to the conclusion that my reactions to stress, sadness, and even happiness is to eat. Eat anything and eat alot of it. That's some realization. Years of habitual eating.

Years of habit to intervene with.

AND

This is what I do know -- that if anyone can intervene with anything, it's me!

Here's to building that dream.