I'm fifty-six and overweight. Can't change my age but I sure can do something about my weight.
YET....
I do nothing. Why?
I have a dream for a cabin and no job. Unwilling to change my dream and not getting a job. Why?
My immediate answer is "It should be easier than this." I get motivated and eat healthy. I get motivated and apply for jobs. Consistent for a short period of time and then I quit. Why?
Is it because I just want it all handed to me?
Immediate weight loss without any effort. Without illness or the loss of a limb. Weight loss that gets me to a hot looking 162 lbs. Weight loss that has me move effortlessly. That allows me to ride a bike or snow shoe with my husband. Wear fabulous funky Renee inspired clothes. Boots! Why isn't my desire for these things enough to make it happen? What's missing in me?
A cabin built miraculously by someone else as a gift for me? What's missing that despite dreaming about owning a cabin since I was seventeen isn't enough to push me to get a job? A cabin I've designed, drawn, redrawn a million times. I own the land! I've walked it and placed the cabin. Dreamt about it. Torn magazine pictures out of features I'd like in the cabin fill a scrapbook. Why isn't my desire for my dream enough to make it happen? Don't I really desire it?
Tears threaten to drop. I read a letter from my Mom to me when I was in my early twenties. "Stop living in this dream world of yours!" Why?
I'm not afraid of hard work. I've done plenty of hard work. Nothing stopped me from building my deck. Nothing stopped me from getting my first SUV. Nothing stopped me from being a Mom.
Why am I stopped now?
YET....
I do nothing. Why?
I have a dream for a cabin and no job. Unwilling to change my dream and not getting a job. Why?
My immediate answer is "It should be easier than this." I get motivated and eat healthy. I get motivated and apply for jobs. Consistent for a short period of time and then I quit. Why?
Is it because I just want it all handed to me?
Immediate weight loss without any effort. Without illness or the loss of a limb. Weight loss that gets me to a hot looking 162 lbs. Weight loss that has me move effortlessly. That allows me to ride a bike or snow shoe with my husband. Wear fabulous funky Renee inspired clothes. Boots! Why isn't my desire for these things enough to make it happen? What's missing in me?
A cabin built miraculously by someone else as a gift for me? What's missing that despite dreaming about owning a cabin since I was seventeen isn't enough to push me to get a job? A cabin I've designed, drawn, redrawn a million times. I own the land! I've walked it and placed the cabin. Dreamt about it. Torn magazine pictures out of features I'd like in the cabin fill a scrapbook. Why isn't my desire for my dream enough to make it happen? Don't I really desire it?
Tears threaten to drop. I read a letter from my Mom to me when I was in my early twenties. "Stop living in this dream world of yours!" Why?
I'm not afraid of hard work. I've done plenty of hard work. Nothing stopped me from building my deck. Nothing stopped me from getting my first SUV. Nothing stopped me from being a Mom.
Why am I stopped now?
There is nothing wrong with you, except that you are human.
ReplyDeleteI, too, struggle with my weight, my goals, the pushme-pullyous of my life. As you are doing, I have my blog "Beyond Life's Challenges." I've not been as diligent about writing...just one more thing that I ask the same question, "What's wrong with me?"
I'm enjoying reading your blog, Renee, and look forward to reading more. In telling our stories to others, we learn that we are not alone and that others speak our thoughts.
Thank you Coral.
ReplyDelete