My husband is sixteen years my junior. It perplexes me that he adores me, loves me as much as he does. He just does! For that I am so grateful.
When we got engaged, he said he would like to have a child with me.
Really? Now? A myriad of thoughts raced through my mind. Yipes. What a sensitive issue. We would definitely be great parents and make beautiful babies. Yet at 50 I was not prepared to become a mother again. I am still on my tour of duty from my son. Motherhood does not end when they become eighteen! My husband has two sons from his first marriage. Since I was not depriving him of the experience of fatherhood, I stood firm." "Let's just be good parents to the children we have.", I reasoned. "We have three sons between us. Let's lavish and parent the ones we have!", I rationalized.
He conceded and yet was relentless in his wishful, not so subtle, hints, "Gee I wish we could have a baby." "She would have your eyes." "I would love to have a baby with you."
After a fashion, I found out that he personally has never had his "own" pet. To deflect and illustrate what life with a new baby would be like, I suggested we get a puppy.
Yes, I said that! Then we not only got a puppy but we became the proud parents of two puppies. Yes, twins! With the caveat that we adopt them as if they were children. No giving them back, no getting rid of them, no changing our minds because it was hard or inconvenient, and no separating them!
So we welcomed Jack and Shadow into our lives. Brothers from a different mother and father, but brothers nevertheless. Two bundles of fluffy joy. Both eager to please and yet different in their natures.
Just like children. Jack takes after me. Shadow after his Dad. Both well trained and good "children" overall.
Well last night when I let our well behaved five year old twins out for a 4am pee, Jack decided to bolt. Normally they would each find a tree, bush, snow hill, pee and come right back in. Not last night. No last night Jack chose to show his stubborn and willful self. Shadow our sweet natured and obedient child dutifully came right back in and stood faithfully by my side as I repeatedly called and whistled for his brother.
It is winter and 4am. Cold and angry, thoughts crossed my mind about leaving Jack out there. Serves him right. Freeze his furry butt off! Shadow went to bed unfazed. My warm bed beckoned. If he were human, there is no way I would leave him out there! I knew, eventually, he would come home. He knows which side his bread is buttered on. But I want to go back to sleep!
How am I going to punish him? Can't get too loud, the neighbors or my husband will wake up. Getting mad at him after he has come home would be confusing.
One last time I whistle before getting dressed to go out and "find" him. Jack emerges from darkness and races back. How do I get mad at that? Anger subsides to chastisement. Grabbing his snout, I hold my face inches away from his and sternly whisper, "I am sooooooo disappointed in you!' (Cameras rolling. Laugh track begins.) As further punishment, I lock him out of his normal sleeping area (our room). He paws gently at the door, I say "NO!" He quiets. Separation from the pack! Ha, I'll show you!
This morning, big brown eyes search mine. "I'm still mad at you!", I say. His sad eyes look down. "What am I going to do with you?" He gingerly walks around me. I grab the leash. They both jump for joy thinking we are going for a walk. "I've got news for you." I chortle. "Shadow gets free reign and you, my friend, will be on leash!"
Consequences, even for dogs. Ah yes! Satisfaction. Shadow flits from tree to bush and back to tree. Jack watches, looks up at me, and I like to think realizes the error of his ways. Time will tell!
Ha! Who am I kidding, just like children he will test me again. I am reminded that I chose him. All of him. All of his unwavering loyalty, love, affection, stubbornness, silky shedding fur, wet licks, and waggy tail! I also chose parenthood, albeit with puppies.
When we got engaged, he said he would like to have a child with me.
Really? Now? A myriad of thoughts raced through my mind. Yipes. What a sensitive issue. We would definitely be great parents and make beautiful babies. Yet at 50 I was not prepared to become a mother again. I am still on my tour of duty from my son. Motherhood does not end when they become eighteen! My husband has two sons from his first marriage. Since I was not depriving him of the experience of fatherhood, I stood firm." "Let's just be good parents to the children we have.", I reasoned. "We have three sons between us. Let's lavish and parent the ones we have!", I rationalized.
He conceded and yet was relentless in his wishful, not so subtle, hints, "Gee I wish we could have a baby." "She would have your eyes." "I would love to have a baby with you."
After a fashion, I found out that he personally has never had his "own" pet. To deflect and illustrate what life with a new baby would be like, I suggested we get a puppy.
Yes, I said that! Then we not only got a puppy but we became the proud parents of two puppies. Yes, twins! With the caveat that we adopt them as if they were children. No giving them back, no getting rid of them, no changing our minds because it was hard or inconvenient, and no separating them!
So we welcomed Jack and Shadow into our lives. Brothers from a different mother and father, but brothers nevertheless. Two bundles of fluffy joy. Both eager to please and yet different in their natures.
Just like children. Jack takes after me. Shadow after his Dad. Both well trained and good "children" overall.
Well last night when I let our well behaved five year old twins out for a 4am pee, Jack decided to bolt. Normally they would each find a tree, bush, snow hill, pee and come right back in. Not last night. No last night Jack chose to show his stubborn and willful self. Shadow our sweet natured and obedient child dutifully came right back in and stood faithfully by my side as I repeatedly called and whistled for his brother.
It is winter and 4am. Cold and angry, thoughts crossed my mind about leaving Jack out there. Serves him right. Freeze his furry butt off! Shadow went to bed unfazed. My warm bed beckoned. If he were human, there is no way I would leave him out there! I knew, eventually, he would come home. He knows which side his bread is buttered on. But I want to go back to sleep!
How am I going to punish him? Can't get too loud, the neighbors or my husband will wake up. Getting mad at him after he has come home would be confusing.
One last time I whistle before getting dressed to go out and "find" him. Jack emerges from darkness and races back. How do I get mad at that? Anger subsides to chastisement. Grabbing his snout, I hold my face inches away from his and sternly whisper, "I am sooooooo disappointed in you!' (Cameras rolling. Laugh track begins.) As further punishment, I lock him out of his normal sleeping area (our room). He paws gently at the door, I say "NO!" He quiets. Separation from the pack! Ha, I'll show you!
This morning, big brown eyes search mine. "I'm still mad at you!", I say. His sad eyes look down. "What am I going to do with you?" He gingerly walks around me. I grab the leash. They both jump for joy thinking we are going for a walk. "I've got news for you." I chortle. "Shadow gets free reign and you, my friend, will be on leash!"
Consequences, even for dogs. Ah yes! Satisfaction. Shadow flits from tree to bush and back to tree. Jack watches, looks up at me, and I like to think realizes the error of his ways. Time will tell!
Ha! Who am I kidding, just like children he will test me again. I am reminded that I chose him. All of him. All of his unwavering loyalty, love, affection, stubbornness, silky shedding fur, wet licks, and waggy tail! I also chose parenthood, albeit with puppies.
Renee........how sweet! My husband is only 2 yrs. older than I am, we'll have been married 11 yrs. in July, we both have children (adults) from our previous marriages......but we sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have had a child out of our love. I had a hysterectomy 1 month after we were married and he knew then that it would have to happen. Nonetheless, having a child together was something we would have liked to have had......but knew it wasn't going to be possible...and didn't know if we really wanted to raise a baby again at our ages after having raised our own to adulthood. We're not sorry. We have 2 beautiful grandchildren (from my oldest daughter) and they know him as their "PopPop" even though their biological grandpa is still living and they have a relationship with him as well. We are blessed. We are so blessed. And you are too. I read it in your words, I can "hear" it in the "voice" of your posts. So happy for you, Renee. -----Dolly
ReplyDeleteThank you Dolly. Yes I am blissfully happy and very blessed. As are you! Thank you for reading my posts. I am honored and so appreciate the feedback. Much love to you!
ReplyDeleteI laughed so very hard. Yes, our pets do become like children.
ReplyDeleteI also remember the longing I had to be able to have another baby, but I had a hysterectomy at age 26. Of course, I remember the guilt I had at some of the other decisions in life, thinking that the hysterectomy was "God's way of punishing me."
Today at 56, I don't know what I would do if I were to find myself a parent of a young child. I often wonder, given the fact that I prefer the company of younger men, what I would do if I were to find a younger life's partner who would put up with me (aka love me in spite of myself); I cannot honestly say that I would be prepared to adopt, at this stage.
Thank you for your candor in showing you. It is a gift.