On being married

Today is the day my husband returns from a year long tour of duty overseas. I am beside myself with emotion. A fluttering of feelings coming and going. It feels like just another day to a certain degree and not at the same time.

The normal stuff -- cleaning up dog puke, vacuuming the house, cleaning the kitchen, feeding the dogs, running to the bank, picking up some moving papers/bubble wrap, steam cleaning the car seats, watering the flowers.

The not so normal stuff -- shaving my legs (every square inch), scenting the sheets.

The insane stuff -- Will he be disappointed that I didn't lose 100 lbs while he was gone and that I don't look like a model? Should I have cleaned out the garage anyway? I never did watch any of the tapes he left for me, will he be annoyed? How long before we are back in our routine? Will he be disappointed that I rented the house for three (3) years without asking him? Will he care that I did online banking instead of ever writing a check? Will he notice the burn holes in the carpet from the fire place? Will he like how I rearranged the house? Will the cat like him when he returns? Does the yard look good enough? What do I wear when I pick him up? Will he like my long hair? Is the house clean enough? Should I wash the windows? Should I show cleavage? Do I have enough time to pull some more weeds? Will the smell come out of the carpet from where the dog got sick? Will he want to take the checkbook over right away? Pants or skirt? Will he be willing to go out to eat after he lands? Will we make love right away?

I love this man so much. Never did I believe I could love this much and so deeply again. Dreamed about, wished for, hoped for. Read about and witnessed in others, but never for myself.

How grateful I am to God and this man for opening my heart to receive such a wondrous gift. How grateful to my family and friends to their encouragement and patience as I learned. Grateful to all the teachers, counselors, gurus, mentors, coaches who've each contributed greatly to my life -- they helped me learn about who I am for myself and inside relationships. That I honor my word. Hold my partner to account. Be honest. Love like there is no tomorrow. Be humble and grateful for my blessings.

and now...

I leave for the airport to pick up my husband. Confident and in love. I am truly blessed.